Yes, he assures us of this absolution.. we have total forgoveness of sins when we've accpeted His free gift of eternal life... here, now and then, later with Him and the Ftather... via choosing to exchange our paltry attepmts at meaninfulness for is omniscient and utra inconceivebale exciting life in eternity (here and now, and again, there and then... BUT I more on this as we go, peppered throughout, (and I promise to give spice alerts so you who may not be 'ready or desirous of hearing the things of the spiritual nature right yet(or ever) well, you'll ahve a vhance to read on if oyu so desire and won't hve to feel force fed... That is not polite and i certainly wouldn't like it if it were reversed..soooo anyway... For now, I just wanted to soeak on how I cannot find what feels like absolution. NOW this is to me, a romantic sounding word, an old English notion... but I believe it'smening rest, as in ... I cannot rest i my own redemption and having been bought redeemed as a free gift. OH, I believe it... but I cannot seem to liev it out. As deep down.. this other side of me (and forgive me ,a sI'm trying to figure hti sout as i go along.... (that's how I think and come ideas , by dialogging or in the process of writing them out... so, I see a theme wiht me. I bekieve in my head (my cognative-thiking sid eof me (the left side-the pragamntic /logical side
that I am free... home free, redeemed. I know htis (in my head)
BUt I am a dominant right brain operator. I kive and breathe and have ny being out of y right braib side(unless i am trying to show off how i can be logical and prblem slve better than most I knowl. (pride --Ewww it'sugly.... yuck... I am trusting here to... to get over this.. at least to amagable degree So this feeling )experientail (right-on sister) side of me... it's crying and shrivelling up and dtying.. coz this right brain -feeling side of me is not bale to accpet that I am forgiven, mush less, forgive ehat she;d done... nd still yet,, forgiev those who perptrated agsint me to such a huge degree that I barely have relationships wiht nayone form my psst0---and as loing as i;min this modis of operandi... I don't WANT to be..bth for htier dsakes andd my own 9or anyone form a range of a quarter mile circlr enclosure... coz it'd be LOUD :( :( :(