Brian Ramone Childers

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Brian's Story > Categories > Stupid Things I've Done

"One Conversion Two Conversion Three Conversion Four...." 


Date Range: 07/13/1995 To 08/05/2007   Comments: 7   Views: 13,051
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I was sick today (cough cough) and just chilling my pad waiting on Jacques to bring me pizza and cough syrup so I'm watching TV and the doorbell rings. I think it's him so I drag my sorryass to the door and look out. Looking back at me is this young dude, maybe my age maybe a little younger, wearing a suit and tie and carrying a book. Crap, I think, he's probably selling dopey overpriced magazines for his baseball team. See, I can't say no to them. I always buy something cuz man I feel bad. Gotta suck going door to door with probably 90% of peeps being rude and telling you to f-off and slamming doors in your face when man all you wanna do is to get your little las vegas trip...

Anyway, I am about to pretend I'm not home (it's the middle of the afternoon, normally I'd be at work) but then I see Jacques coming with my pizza. Dammit! He's got a shit-eating grin on his face cuz' he sees what's going down and I watch him practically run up to the door.

he nods at the kid, "Yo, wassup."

the kid nods back, "Oh, just seeing if anyone is home."

jacques, "oh, he's home alright. he's "sick" if you get my drift."

the kid nods and I open the door, totally jerked off.

Jacques pushes in and throws the door wide open and goes to the fridge, pulls out a coke and as I'm standing there feeling like crap he smacks me on the back of the head and says "don't ignore your guest man, that's rude."

I look at the kid in the tie and go over. Jacques burps in my ear on the way out and I call out a sorry-lame 'thanks' to his back. he gives me the finger and off he goes.

I eye my pizza. The kid eyes my pizza. Man he look so pathetic standing there. He's on a mission, but everyone likes some 'za.

"you want somma this?"

he looks around all nervous like and nods.

"well, get in!" i edge behind him and shut the door while he's looking over his shoulder. I can hear his brain wheels turning and dude's probably thinking "oh no sweet mother of God this is one of those HOOLIGANS they warned me about. Should I run? Is he gonna sodomize and fillet my skin?"

come on, guy is recruiting. I just want to have a little fun, and a little company.

Turns out his name is Joshua and he's a really nice kid - 17. Just graduated from high school and his doing his mission with the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (say that 10 times with peanut butter in your mouth).

So he's telling me about his life and I tell him about mine. Pretty much opposites I'd say. He has to recruit a set number of folks to the church. I ask him how he picks people (uh, like ME??? wtf) and he won't tell me how many he has to "get" but did tell me that he has most luck with housewives who stay at home and feel they've lost something in their lives. I can imagine staying home with screaming babies would make me wanna reach for for something too.... probably a bottle though.

I do a wink wink nudge nudge - lonely desperate housewives eh? and he gives a big laugh but his eyes are huge man like saucers. her tells me about their parties and their "rules" culturally speaking, the LDS people are a close knit group with strong ideas about what is important in a young person's life. he explains how good LDS young people are strongly encouraged to marry in the temple, which is another part of the LDS culture that only two people in good standing with the LDS Church, etc...are able to do.

Anyway, he's a downright nice kid. I kinda feel sorry for him in some ways but in others maybe i'm a little jealous. He seems so SURE about his life and what he'll do. Me, I have no idea. It's be nice sometimes to just know, even if it's TOLD to you by other people.

Whatever, he didn't convert me or anything but he wasn't a nut job either - just a nice kid. I had a good chat with him; learned a lot. Just hope he doesn't come back with the calvary. Nothing against any church. just still kinda`freaks me out to look out the window and seeing a kid standing there ready to wage war on satan for my soul.....

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Member Since
Dec 2007
Jodie Andrefski said:
posted on May 02, 2008
heh.. parts of this story just made me crack up. I could SO visualize it. The "God this is one of those HOOLIGANS they warned me about. Shoudl I run? Is he gonna sodamize and fillet my skin?" ROFL. He sounds like a good kid though. If nothing else's neat that he opened your eyes to another's view, and like you have to respect him for his convictions. We each find our way and our path.....I'm sure you'll find kid on your doorstep waging war needed. =)

Member Since
Aug 2007
Susan Janneck said:
posted on May 02, 2008
Knew instantly

I knew right from the very beginning he was going to be with the LDS. In my part of the country no one goes door to door for anything anymore except LDS and Jehovah's Witnesses. You made me laugh. Hope you are on the road to recovery. I agree with Jodie. You will find your path.

Member Since
Feb 2009
MaryHelen Cuellar said:
posted on Feb 17, 2009
Love it!

It's late, or I would read everything you've written; you have a great voice!

Member Since
Oct 2009
Raelein Haley said:
posted on Oct 10, 2009
I'm coming back to read all your stuff

Brian, I really enjoy the way you write, and you keep me interested as well.  Will be back to read more of your stuff, and try to catch up with your writing.  Your story about the kid at the door, and your friend bringing pizza was funny but nice, at the same time.  Thanks for writing good things for me to read!

Member Since
Aug 2007
Brian Childers said:
posted on Nov 04, 2009

I can write bad stuff too ;)

Member Since
Nov 2009
Marina Marina said:
posted on Nov 25, 2009

I'm sure you cant! You can't write bad stuff I mean. I like all your stories I've read! Keep writing!

Member Since
Aug 2007
Brian Childers said:
posted on Dec 04, 2009

most of my writing is shit.... some of the writers on here helped me out getting me 'on the path'..... want to join the group?