Dear Cora,

You were born just a few days ago! First off, congratulations! You made it into this big bright world like a trooper. You didn't complicate your mommy *too* much and the joy you bring to your mommy and daddy's lives is incalculable.

Let me tell you a bit about the world today. First, the facts:

YEAR: 2008

THE WORLD: there are currently 192 nations depending on who you ask. Several countries remain unrecognized such as Kosovo, Palestine, Greenland, Western Sahara…

PRESIDENT: George W. Bush (on his way out the door/ Obama and McCain are vying for the Presidency - this is historic because it's the first time in all of the years of existence of the USA that an African American male may become President [AND a woman was almost voted to be the candidate] (and I may as well mention that McCain is the oldest? – another historic moment))

CURRENT EVENTS: The usual tragedies and bloodshed as has been going on since the dawn of man, but the past few days' news have been dominated by (let’s get the bad stuff out of the way first!):

• Housing crisis (foreclosures due to risky bank loans which leads to plummeting house values/prices - good time to buy if you can! not too early to start, missy)
• Gasoline prices - closing in on $5 per gallon now. The good news? It's spurning a host of clean and environmentally friendlier solutions AND people are starting to change their behavior. Hopefully in 16 years when YOU drive (Yikes) you'll have some fab solar powered jet back vehicle that's safe and is powered by the sun or air or something
• continued bloodshed in Africa – today it’s Zimbabwe and the Lost Boys of the Sudan, but Africa remains in turmoil
• FARC guerrillas - in Columbia release hostages, including (gasp, how dare she!) a woman who had tried to run for the Presidency after six years
• Upcoming 2008 Olympics in China – good news! They’ve banned all DOGS from the city’s restaurant menus AND hired thousands of people to clean up their infected river
• Heath Ledger - a brooding but talented young actor who accidentally OD’d on prescription medicines may be up for a posthumous Oscar award for his portrayal of The Joker in the newest Batman installation
• Dubai – it’s like Las Vegas on (oil) steroids – building the craziest, tallest, wackiest architectural indulgences the mind can imagine. But don’t drink alcohol because public intoxication is illegal under their governmental Islamic laws and punishable by serious jail time

SCANDALS: the latest and greatest of fine, upstanding citizens of our era

• Mini Me’ sex tape – (no not mine from my teen days silly!) the little person from the Austin Powers movies who was a clone to Dr. Eeevil (surely to be a classic by the time you are watching movies) has his own “leaked” tape of his bedroom proclivities. And these days you need to “leak” to stay relevant in our 24/hour news cycle – always on.
• The Spears Family – Britney (pop sister, went nuts and lost custody of her children, currently in house incarceration and Dad under a 10k per week agreement to manage her) and her younger sister Jamie (16, just had a child)
• King (?) haha Prime Minister (?) Oops! Champion and  Securor of France (ok ok President) dumping his wife for Carla Bruni, chippie "model" and "singer"... so very, French!
• Amy Winehouse, Pete Doherty and others living the “rock and roll” life struggling with drugs and too much money

• The iPhone by Apple! OMG gotta gotta have it. Some people were so ahem, silly, that they stood in line for a couple of days outside the Apple store to be first. It's not like they were concert tickets or a limited edition. Joke's on those fools - the activation didn't even work. Boo Apple! But the device - yummy
• Harry Potter – no doubt you’ll be reading these as you grow up. Remember to check out the story of JK Rawlings – it’s a good one
• Twitter, FriendFeed, Story of My Life - ;) - all ways to aggregate your data that you put online. By the time you are using the internet hopefully there (!!) will be more browser standardization, a solution to SPAM, and universal logins that allow your data to follow you while keeping your privacy
• LOLCats – they’ve spawned their own way of talking Oh Hai thx k bye
• “300” (a movie) Techno Remixes “This Is Sparta!!!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZBA0SKmQy8 actually you can pretty much find anything on YouTube
• High School Musical – this is one I can’t explain, like Miley Cyrus, but that’s probably because I’m OLD (like, over 23)
• Brangeloonies and Claymates – celebrities have become a money-churning machine in themselves. Today’s cult heroes are Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt who just gave birth to twin girls today (woo hoo go girls being born…) and their small army they are building from children all over the world and Clay Aiken, a supposedly in-the-closet singer whose strong walmart shopping fan base wearing t-shirts that say “Clay Shakes My Ovaries a 1000 Different Ways” will close the door if he comes back out. Don’t MESS with either of them, word.
• Reality Shows – you name it, they’ve got a “reality” (read: heavily scripted and fake and set up so that the most awesomest of all the awesome, sane, and rational characters of strangers they carefully screen and monitor – makes for some good sh*t TV!) The biggest ones now are: American Idol, Big Brother, Next Top Model, Project Runway, The Bachelor (WTF???) and The Apprentice (double WTF??!?!??!)
• Becks (David Beckham) moves to LA with his never-smiles wife Posh and bring euro-trash snoof glamour to the west coast

MISC:

• Calling the internet "internets" and pretending like Al Gore invented them
• PerezHilton aka the Gossip Gangsta (yet everyone I know seems addicted to his smarmy celebrity trashing)
• Crocs – the FUGliest shoes on the planet (I know I know they’re supposed to be soooo comfortable and soooo good for your back but please don’t wear them in public)
• Electric, air, and hybrid – the new wave of small cars not coming out of Germany, Japan or the US, but from INDIA! (you go Tata)
• Wii – the newest video game player –(I still think should be pronounced “Weee” not “Why” as my 10 year old computer whiz neighbor rolls his eyes at me)
• Vitamin Water – yup, you guessed it, loaded with sugar!
• Rush Limbaugh being paid $60 a year. Athletes making hundreds of millions on endorsements. Actors too. Meanwhile teachers’ salaries have gone up a paltry 10% in the last 30 years.
• Pick’em Up Trucks –and SUVs have been leading the American motor market for the past 15 years. Now they are practically giving them away from the car dealerships.
• “Organic” food being bastardized as people see $$ in the industry which is currently suffering – don’t trust USDA approved organic. Anyone but them!!!

   

  So my little summer-baby-born friend, this is your world. Welcome to it. Hope we didn’t screw it up too badly for you J

   

  Anything I missed????