I baby sat little Ashley Kimmler :) wow has she grown, I haven't baby sat her for about 3 months, and she's grown so much! she's finishing sentences, she answers, she can potty by herself, and she is cracking jokes like it's nothing. She makes my heart high, and return to my own childhood. We played random games, sang, played piano, and camped under the stars eating cooked fish :) what a great 2 hours.
The Kimmlers are probably the best family I know. Mr. K is one of the greatest guys I know, and he's such a great dad. When he got home Ashley was all over him, and he held a conversation with me while twirling Ashley. It made me extremely happy, so I left and drove around in an excellent mood for no reason at all. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay in my happiness and drive for the rest of my life.
weird eh? so yea ok I do wish I was part of a family like the Kimmlers.
I drove around the neighborhood by my dads house, I passed it a few times (not stalker-ish, it was once my house too) trying to look in, and see if he happened to see me and invites me in. But he was probably sleeping, and I knew that. He works nights, and I know he doesn't wake up until 9:30ish... He lives in this really crapy house in a really crapy/scary neighborhood, one of those neighborhoods that the cops drive down at least every hour just incase type thing. His house looks really small from the outside, 1 story, light light light brown, with a tree in the front with a spray paint on it. The inside of the house is complete opposite. He's rich, he's richer than rich, and the inside of the house shows it. It's perfect, everything about him now is rich and perfect. that's why I think he doesn't need me anymore.
Was I a stain?
He wears bow ties, and has a mustache, his hair has gone a dark gray, and his eyes are just like mine. Bippy and I got our sense of humor from him, also our love for old movies and the marks brothers. He'd do anything for me I'm sure of that. I hate that. He'd buy me anything, get me anything, and spend any amount of money on me, and then when the day is over he would leave, and I wouldn't hear from him for weeks.
What am I?
Sometimes I feel like a prostitute, like people only use me for one thing, and for only one night, then things go back to normal and I'm alone. I guess this feeling started after Chris, he used me for one thing and one thing only, then dropped me cold turkey, and I was crushed. My dad would do anything for me, is that love? or is it to make him feel better because him and mom got a divorce and I was caught in between. Does he feel bad for me? Now there's Joey. I know he loves me, but sometimes it's too physical, and I feel my heart sink and sigh. I don't want to be a hoe. I want to be the greatest thing to someone. is that to selfish?
The other day Joey and I were talking about next year. He wants people he knows from Aces to be in classes he'll be taking in college, he doesn't want to make new friends, he wants to stay best friends with his friends and that's it. I'm the opposite. I don't want to know anyone when I go to college. I don't want them to know anything about me. I want to meet new people, I want to learn new things, and I want to grow as a person. I could start a new as anything. What could be better? of course I want to remain friends with my friends, but I want new in my life too. I want change, change is good, change is great.
I've babbled a lot again, I only meant to write about baby sitting, and how happy I am. I am still happy with this mysterious happiness.
beauty from cruelty? I hope.