Darlene Hicks Clark [litland]

  1954 -
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Darlene's Story > Chapters > Caring for MOM

"The only care giver Pt.1" 


Date Range: 07/15/2010 To 02/07/2013   Comments: 4   Views: 6,430
Attachments: Yes [2 Audio]

To all concern:


I Darlene Clark moved into my mother’s home July 31st 2009 because she kept complaining about falling in her home or bath tub and I felt the need to leave Arizona to live with my mother to make sure she does not hurt herself while she was alone in her home. Aunie Dell was not living with anyone and no one else has offered to move in with her to help her in any way. My mom wanted to go on a gambling trip and we went and then I finally did not want to gamble anymore so we stayed home a lot. I finally got bored so I decided to get a job for I could get some dental work done and have a little money of my own. During the time I stayed with mom Rick is the only one who called a lot but still no one else offered to stay with mom. I worked in Decatur about 1 ½ hours away from home but one day on my day off I went to the senior center in Sumiton Alabama to sing because I volunteer to use some on my time to do that and afterwards I visit my dad’s grave sight to place flowers there. As I was leaving I notice I missed a phone call from my Manager at work and she left a message saying that mom was in an auto accident and was taken to Birmingham hospital the UAB.  On the way to UAB I called Johnny Hicks and Charlotte Velarde, Danny Hicks, and of course my daughter April Clark. Johnny, Danny & Charlotte wanted me to keep them inform. I could not call Ricky Hicks because he was in jail in Oregon I believe and Carlon Hicks is in jail in Alabama somewhere. I believe that I might have called Arlene also but she had no emotions over the fact that mom was in the hospital. My daughter April Clark was the only one out of that group that offered to come out and help me but I told her that if I really needed her I would let her know. The Hospital release mom within a few days and I kept an eye on her and she was in a lot of pain from where the seat belt pulled on her but other than that she was still walking and talk care of herself. I continue to keep going to work. I ask my sister in law to come stay the week end with mom so I would not need to stay home from work and she did. Pearl asks mom if she would like anything to eat but they waited until I got home to cook for both of them. When the weekend was over then I started missing some things. I missed one of the crock pots the most because I use them more than anything to cook with. It took a long while for mom would stop complaining about her chest hurting and then one day I came home from work and was lying on the floor and said she had been there all day. She said she was sitting in the chair then all of a Sutton she slid right into the floor. I called 911 to send someone over to help me get her up off the floor. I got up to go to work the next morning and I checked on her and she was ok. I got home from work around 3:30 pm and she was in bed I just thought she laid down to take a nap and she told me that she has been there all day because she could not get up. I finally called an ambulance and took her to the hospital and they kept her for about a week. During this time not many called to check on her at all. I talked with my daughter because I had no one else to talk to about this other than the people at work who acted more concern over my mom than her own kids. Mom lay in the hospital in Jasper Alabama for a week and they did not tall me why they were keeping her but rehab said that mom would have to stay for at least a week so she would be able to be transferred to Ridgewood rehab center. While mom was lyingin the bed at the hospital they kept her asleep and she end up getting bed sores. During this time I called Johnny and told him that he had to come out and help me and he just whine, complain saying that he did not want to go to Alabama for any reason other than a funeral. I could not believe that was how he felt but I said to him that I needed to be able to get into mom’s account to get money to take care of her when she came home because I found out that she had a stoke and could not walk, talk or take care of herself. No one was offering to help me even at this stage except for April Clark and I could not ask her because she was in college and I did not want her to ruin herself by helping me this is her grandmother not her mother. I kept begging Johnny to come out and he kept pushing not to come. Johnny kept promising to come out on Monday and I waited for 4 Monday until I finally got a notary to come to the rehab center so mom could sign a DPOA for me to be able to help her. Johnny finally came out and I had to pick him up in Birmingham bus station at 4 am. Johnny stayed for 3 weeks and he just wanted to leave so bad. Mom was home about a week before he headed back to Arizona. I had to quit my job because mom had to have someone home 24 hours a day. Johnny told me that if he new that I was going to get the DPOA that he would have never came out. Eddie, Arlene Hicks came out and stayed a week and Eddie put in 2 more air vents and Arlene stayed away from mom as much as she could. Danny Hicks came out and stayed a week and he was the best help of all. Danny sat with mom for hours and cooked for her but no one was going to clean her or change her. Rick kept calling but mom could not talk to anyone much. Rick said he was going to come out but he was living on the streets and begging for money to get him another bottle of alcohol. Rick told me he tried to quit drinking but he found he liked it to much to quit. I went back to begging for help and mom would not stop yelling about pain and it stress me out so bad that I was loosing my hair. I kept calling my daughter for advice and even though she had a lot to deal with herself she took the time to help me out. My brother Johnny told me that it was my fault that I came out to help mom so I put myself here in the misery. Rick called as much as he could but mom would just lay the phone down. There were times when Rick called that he started trouble thinking that mom needed help but he cold not stay sober enough to know what he did or said. Eddie and his wife Kim is selling their house because they would like to move to Tennessee so they could be closer to mom and her mom so Eddie, Kim, Austhen, and Arlene came back out in May 2011 to bring stuff to store in the yard because they wanted to check out Tennessee and they left Arlene here while they went to look around the area of Tennessee. In the meanwhile the officer was calling from Chico CA. because Rick was bumming money to drink and he would call here to complain about sleeping under bridges and the cop were chasing him down and he also was going into Wal-mart and changing his clothes there. The officer needed a place send Rick to get him out of their town and they needed an address to send him because they will pay for his bus ticket. Well of course I am a nice person and I told him that he could stay here to give him a chance to visit mom.

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Member Since
Oct 2009
Henrietta Giseppe said:
posted on Aug 23, 2011
Ouch / stress

So much sadness and stress in this story, Darlene. Losing your hair is just one sign that you had too much stress. I hope this worked out and bless you for taking care of your mom (even though someone had the audacity to say that it was your "fault" for taking care of your own mother!)

Member Since
Apr 2010
Darlene Clark said:
posted on Aug 28, 2011

Thank you for you comment. The stress has lighten some what but I still do not have help. I just need to get away from it all for a long while to collect my thought but I know after all this I do not want to have anything to do with family.

Member Since
Jan 2009
Sam Henderson said:
posted on Aug 31, 2011

They say you can only choose your friends. If they are toxic to you, don't be shy about cutting them out. Just my two cents. Surround yourself with people who care about you as a person, not as a wallet or a caregiver/nurse.

Member Since
Apr 2010
Darlene Clark said:
posted on Aug 29, 2012
Thank You Sam Henderson

I have avoided the phone but the other day I thought that I would be nice and I took the phone to mom because I should not keep her kids from her. But then he would call the rest of the day so I picked up the phone and he said I want to tlk to you and then he ask why am I such a bitch so I hung up. Every time I try to be nice then this is what I get.