V. Angelica Serendipity

 
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It Has Been A Rough Year

I am adding this additional chapter to my introduction, because after I initially wrote the introduction, it was very difficult to come back to it and try to make sense of all that I have experienced through the various stages of my life and the trials that I have endured or overcome.  I wish ...


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The Birth of Charles Leonard Wiggins

The story has already been written for awhile on my blog "From the heart of Praise, Prayer and Perseverance. 0; Here is a link to that posting, Below are the pictures of the blessed event.   http://fromthehea rt-dotwigg.blogsp ot.com/2008/03/an other-2-prayer-re quest-answered.ht ml


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V. Angelica 's Story > Categories > LIFE

"I Was The Girl" 

 

Date Range: 2007 To 2013   Comments: 0   Views: 290
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I was the girl that all the boys had a crush on. I was the one girl they were all comfortable with and that they loved to be around with. I wasn’t the prettiest but none of that mattered at the time. I was one of the guys and that in itself made me special. I could talk about other girls like if I was one of the guys, I could even give them the best pick up lines. I was the one they went to when they wanted to prank someone else or just wanted to talk. I was, most of the time, the first one they called when they had big news or had gotten laid, the one they called when they were too high to make sense or too drunk to think straight. That was me. I was the best friend, the one they all loved and I took advantage of it. Being able to hang out with the guys gave me a certain amount of power over not only the guys but also the girls and I thrived on it. I loved playing match maker. I was the leader of the pack, of both packs actually. I could use them as I best saw fit. I could get them to believe whatever I wanted for the most part. Best of all it gave me my confidence. When you hear about how beauty does not really matter to a guy and that he could care less about your weight your heart aches to believe it but your mind quickly slaps it back to reality, trust me I know I have been there every day, but truth is there must be some truth to that. It may not truly all be about personality but I do think confidence has a lot to do with it, confidence and the way you carry yourself on a daily basis. I am not the most gorgeous face I could never be a model but I would not say I am the ugliest either. It was worse when I was younger though. As I looked back at my life through middle school and high school I realized I was never quite pretty yet I felt like I was especially in middle school. And at any given period of time I did have at least one boy crushing on me so I forced myself to think of as to why. Being one of the guys means being their best friend and understanding them inside and out without the need for them to tell you a single word, you can simply see it in their eyes or the way they carry themselves. I have always had a good judgment of how people feel on particular day especially if I have seen them in another state before. As we all know it takes a lot to be able to tell so much about a person with so little to go on but even more to cheer that person up when they won’t say a word much less want to hear one in regards as to what the issue is. For some odd reason it seems as if as humans we have gotten more evil and in order to survive come genetically equipped with the necessary falsity to fool anyone who inquires about our feelings as a defensive tactic so its needless to say that for us to trust someone completely it is not only difficult but also a gift and a sign of something more than just a mere friendship. As kids, because that’s exactly what we were at the time and are to some degree today, we were so eager to grow up and feel like adults that we quickly rushed into everything. I did not befriend the guys to get them to fall in love with me and later date them or anything of that matter but simply because it was easier to befriend boys who can fight it out and then be best friends again than to be the new girl and attempt to fit in with the already formed clique without being perceived as a threat and eaten alive. Girls are always so vicious I know I am one of them but I think a better word would be protective and defensive of what they feel they have earned and scared that it will be taken away from them at any moment. However, I did have a few girl friends but I was from the start closer to the boys in my classes. At the time I had no idea of the power having chosen that route would eventually give me much less of the hatred I would ignite in all the other girls leading the packs. Oh they so hated me. I instantly became popular and to a girl who is eager to grow up and has watched like a million teenage flicks that is like winning the lottery worth billions. I was so confident in everything I did, I could play sports, hang out with the guys, talk about guy stuff, play video games, and I was the smartest kid in school. I had everything going for me but we were barely “tweens” puberty had not quite hit yet much less maturity. Anyways as I was saying, I slowly began to realize not only of the power that I was gaining and of all I could do with it but also that something had changed among my relationship with some of the guys; they over time acted different and took more interest in what I wanted to do. I knew the signs of having a crush all too well I had seen them on television, in movies, and heard them from their very own mouths. I ran. I ran as fast as I could to avoid the confessions that I knew would destroy the friendship I so dearly held with them because I knew I could never feel the same way. Early on however it was a new kind of a power a lot stronger and refined form of control over the guys and I used it to my advantages. I did not at any point lie to them. I let them know exactly how I felt at the time and I would date outsiders of course or tell them about who I had a crush on or try really hard to pair them up with someone else. That was me. I was not the prettiest. I had these huge bushy eyebrows, I was chubby although one summer I did lose a lot of weight and ended up a good 30lbs lighter, I was tall for my age (total opposite of present day), I was dark skinned am dark skinned, an eager learner, very opinionated, hard to quiet down, and I was somewhat of a drama queen but oh I felt like I owned the world and I walked with my head held high like if I was strutting down the runway after just being named model of the year, oh yes I knew how to work it and turn heads. That was confidence. I was over confident however and even narcissistic which are not good qualities necessarily they make dating and having friends a challenge especially when there is someone else just as narcissistic or more than you. As time went by my world increased so did its population and managing to keep my popularity got more difficult a lot more. I was no longer the big shark that everyone looked up to or the girl that the guys wanted to hang out with and that would surround at all moments possible but the guys weren’t the same boys that loved to play soccer and video games either it was a whole different game, it was puberty calling the shots not me. They began focusing on the prettier faces or at least not so much on me and that struck my ego hard. My whole confidence had been born out of them and to have them all of a sudden start to swim away killed me. I was not going down without a fight however. There was one girl in particular who represented competition, she was a lot like me in many ways but very different in others, we will call her “S” just to keep her identity concealed. “S” was smart and very pretty and I instantly gravitated towards her when I met her, she exerted much more confidence than I did and was only a few months older but she spoke with such certainty and experience that I looked up to her and I considered her a friend for a long time. She eventually took over everything I had worked for. Not only was she the new crush of all my guy friends but she had managed to gain some of their trust but what I hated most about her and do until this very day is how ruthless she is when it comes to getting what she wants. Oh “S” was so clever it is unbelievable how evil a girl can be at such a young age. She never considered me a friend she used me the whole time, call it karma but it was awful, and she used the guys. She would flirt with them until they had fallen to her feet and were tending to her every command but as soon as she was tired of them she would dump them like meaningless animals. She taught me by example the evils of being a pretty girl. Meanwhile, my confidence plummeted to way below zero degrees Celsius. No one really noticed me anymore and soon enough I became a shadow. It was one of the best things that could have happened to me actually. I buried myself deep in my school work and eventually graduated at the top of my high school class and am currently enrolled in a prestigious university waiting to begin my journey but of course that will be another story. It was a hard time actually for me. I went from being very popular to basically invisible in a matter of months and although it hurt and put me into a depression I fought my way out of it and succeeded. I guess what I was trying to tell myself by writing this all down is that confidence makes the woman, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, popularity does not mean a thing in the end, and karma is truly a female dog but no matter what happens we find a way to overcome it for ourselves, we just have to. Life is not about who you know or who knows you, or how many friends you have on facebook or how many followers or how many people in high school had heard your name, but rather about being happy with yourself and confident in your talents and your beauty and in what you can do and what you have to offer to the world. So ladies some guys will go for the girl with the biggest boobs or butt or the one showing the most cleavage or the one that hardly eats or the one that looks like she can be on the cover of vogue or playboy but then there are some that are truly attracted to the beauty of a girl’s confidence and her smile and her self awareness and self appreciation and admiration. I am not saying go out to the club or for a night out in sweats and hooded over-sized sweatshirt because come one lets be real none of us see with our hearts and minds before seeing with our eyes so dress up put on some of your favorite jeans and a regular v-neck top or a cute blouse depending on where you are going but go happy with yourself and your body and your appearance go out feeling like the sexiest woman on earth but keep it classy and you will attract the correct type of guy and if he is worth any trouble he will stick around after falling in love with you for your confidence and your talents rather than your cleavage. You are beautiful so own it girl. Until next time, V. Angelica Serendipity



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