I don't know my Father. I have some vague memories of him when I was a little girl. Mostly my parents fighting.I told YOU to pick her up!
You did NOT! You said you would pick her up!
No it's YOUR turn!
Geez parents, if I could walk home myself I would but don't act like I'm your burden. You brought me here, now do your duty. Oh, and I can HEAR you takling about me like the dog you forgot to walk.
My mom was a raging alcoholic and drove my father away. He walked out during a particularly nasty fight when I was maybe five. He moved to Florida and would send me cards on my birthday (or a few days late but who was counting?). Some years he'd remember to call. Awkward, uncomfortable conversations. He had an new family and a new set of problems.
My father was a general contractor. I say was because he was building a house one day and drove a nail into a live wire and was electrocuted. This was when I was 17. I think it pushed my mom over the edge (she had been teetering there for a long time). She'd never gotten over him, although she never talked about him.
I know that he hurt her. I know that she was bitter at her life and how hard she struggled with her own demons. But one thing I can't quite forgive her for is not telling me WHO my daddy was. What kind of person was he? Did he like vanilla bean ice cream like I do? Did I get my hands from him? My love of architecture? Did he ever think of me when tucking in his new kids? Did he help pay for my braces?
I just wish I knew the man. I suppose I could reach out to his other family, but I've never talked to them - ever. Sometimes I wonder if they even know I exist. It'd be nice to have a brother and a sister, but some inertia keeps me from seeking them out. I don't want to hear the guilt or the forced effort. So I don't try.
I never really knew what a real family was until I met Tomas. His family is from Poland and they are very close. Their parents have been together for a long time and they have a lot of cousins, and a lot of laughter in that house.
If I ever have kids I promise them I will be more like Jodie on here who didn't have an ideal childhood either but loves her children and doubly makes up for what she didn't have.
Tomas, when I'm ready, will you ask me to marry you? We've got a lot of time but i want to be first in line. I can't imagine my life without you. You've shown me a world I would never have known. Thank you.