Gina Pertonelli

  1984 -
  City of Birth:
Toronto
 
 

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Gina's Story > Chapters > Things we Did as Kids

"Eulogy of My Youth" 

 

Date Range: 01/01/1985 To 06/30/2000   Comments: 13   Views: 17,602
Attachments: No
 

I knew the time had come to say goodbye to my childhood when I first became a "Woman". The day to me was somehow sad, a goodbye to all the carefree wonders of childhood that had floated me in bliss thus far. I changed on that fateful, crampy day. It's as if the weight and burden of my gender descended upon me in a fit of euphoria and raving madness until I felt no longer like myself, no longer like a girl, but a woman. A woman bearing responsibilities and manners and expectations and grief.

On my way to becoming a mother. Oh to be certain that I vowed to the heavens and platitudes of mankind that I would most definitely be a better mother to my daughter (or son) than my mother ever was to me.

On my way to being a wife. I vowed to the maker of romance novels and inept gestures of romanticism that I would be a better partner to a man than my mother was to my father.

On the path towards getting a job, a career, having it all. I paid tribute to the fearless women ahead of me who had risked much for incremental gain so that I might be a firefighter, a lawyer, a professor, President of the United States.

On my journey to carve a niche for myself in this vast, lonely world. A home, friends, a favorite path and routines I enjoyed.

On the direction towards enlightenment. What would the type of person I would be stand for? What causes would I rally for or against? What atrocities would bring me to my knees, open up my checkbook?

The damage of my ovaries cannot be undersated. Their assault upon my body was tremendous, bowled me over, knocked the wind out of me with its ferociousness.

Doubled over in pain and woe-is-me misery my mom smoked a cigarette, laughted and said "Welcome to the real world kid. Don't go getting pregnant now, you hear?"


I was 13.




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Member Since
May 2008
Charisma R said:
posted on Jun 27, 2008
Oh girl!

I can relate. I feel your pain! You have a beautiful way with words!


Member Since
Jun 2008
Namiko Smith said:
posted on Jun 27, 2008
I am the same

My mom is the type of the woman who I never want to be. I am trying to be not like mom and to learn from her mistakes. But I can sometimes feel some part of me is becoming like her. It scaresthe hell out of me...


Member Since
Aug 2007
Gina Pertonelli said:
posted on Jun 30, 2008
:)

ugh, MOMMIE dearests eh????? i saw this line in another post so I'm stealing it but that quote from some movie something like "You need a license to own a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let anyone be a parent! ugh. Here's to moms who, while we're all glad we're here, shouldn't really have been moms.....


Member Since
Jun 2008
Wayne Foster said:
posted on Jul 02, 2008
Hi Gina, enjoyed your story.

I had three sister's myself. I love them all, (when we were all just little children), especially. However, I became confused and somewhat "battered and baffeled" during the time when we were in our early teens. I couldn't understand their frequent, from time to time, unexplainable animosities towards me, nor their "never seeming to end" time in the only bathroom we had in the house, while preparing themselves for school in the early morning hours. When, at a time I looked back on it, I realized what they were going through and felt much pity for them at their struggles that didn't seem to bother them as suffering so much but instead as something that drove them to be advice giving, in the way that I'd better listen!, and insisting that I need to think before approaching them with a proper form of manners and something appropriatly to say. But then at other times when they seemed to be in a much better mood, the sky was the limit at goofing off and laughing at, teasing each, and telling jokes to one another. Women make life so much more enriched because they have a very defined tendancy to keep us men on our toes and our minds working like they should. They are also our best friends and very compassionate people.


Member Since
Aug 2007
Susan Janneck said:
posted on Jul 03, 2008
Hi Gina

I can feel your pain and am so sorry that your mother was so insensitive to how you might be feeling at such a life changing time. We are all "sisters" so to speak in this trek through time with each of us experiencing different things on our journeys. I am so thankful for this site that we can air the good with the bad and be there for each other.


Member Since
Aug 2007
Gina Pertonelli said:
posted on Jul 09, 2008
school didn't help

they didn't each us ANYthing in school either... that would have helped a lot - LOL


Member Since
May 2008
Theresa Barnett said:
posted on Aug 28, 2008
NO MORE WIRE HANGERS EVER

WOW Gina that sucks i can totally relate to what your saying , and im a mother and i was a young mother, but learned young ! she is my only one, and she has a little girl as well i taught her the best that i knew because my moms sucks too! but you still got to for give someday it will help heal your heart and maybe she has issues you don't know about that affected her life that you don't know about, just something to think about ,if you havn't yet .peace


Member Since
Apr 2008
Sarah Green said:
posted on Aug 29, 2008
Ah, moms

so hard, and yet so easy to become one .... :)


Member Since
Aug 2007
Gina Pertonelli said:
posted on Aug 31, 2008
wire hangers

lol, she wasn't that bad thank god! :)


Member Since
May 2009
Klarity Belle said:
posted on May 20, 2009
Great Mum's

I loved your story Gina. You captured the fear of transition from girl to woman perfectly with your words. Its a scary journey even with support and how sad your mum was not in a place to be able to do that.  I had a non-maternal mum too and I used to worry that I would be just awful at motherhood myself.  Turns out I am great in this role and I got my training just like you - by growing up learning exactly what not to do!  Should you choose sometime in the future to have children, you will make a wonderful mum. Love your honest writing, it's very moving.  KB


Member Since
Aug 2007
Gina Pertonelli said:
posted on Jun 10, 2009
hi Klarity

My mom certainly wasn't a good mother. Some days I really have no sympathy for her and all the things she did. Others I just feel sad for her - she was so freaking miserable. I hope I'm not like her. Luckily I have someone who'll tell me if I'm acting like her.

This story made me look at the comments. I wonder what happened to Wayne above? He told us he was really sick, but I don't see his stories.


Member Since
May 2009
Klarity Belle said:
posted on Jun 11, 2009
Wayne

mmmm, roaming around this site, I often find the comments left are as emotive as some of the stories themselves.  I find myself clicking to read the story of Wayne or many like him, only to discover that there is a blank page with no explanation. It is intriguing how so many paint their own stories in the comments they weave amongst us.


Member Since
Aug 2007
Gina Pertonelli said:
posted on Jul 06, 2009
Wayne

I asked the people at SOML and they said that Wayne has passed, and actually deleted all his stories but his widower might put them up again.....