Charisma R

  City of Birth:
National City, CA

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Charisma's Story > Chapters > Road Whore

"His only letter to me" 


Date Range: 1997 To 1997   Comments: 1   Views: 13,810
Attachments: Yes [1 Images]


    I'm sorry that I didn't make for a good fare-well.  I'm so very screwed up that I don't have a clue as to how to express myself.

    I feel so very ugly all the time (except whenever you were there).  I have always been a failure at caring about anyone.  I really don't like anything about myself.

    Enough of my shortcomings.  I'm very glad you came into my life.  For some brief time it seemed ok.  Maybe even like I was normal.  I have no one to care and am so alone.  You are a very special person - more than I can every say.

    I guess that I should try to go on.  I'm scared of being alone (forever).  But everyone always leaves me.  I miss you more than I can bear.  Please forgive me (I cannot help) for missing you.

    The first bad dream came today.  For awhile they had gone, but they returned.  I do not want to be without you.  I'm sorry (again).  You made me feel so good - Thanx!

    I will always wonder how it would feel to hold your hand or place my arms around you.  Always.
    I'm going to sleep now, and maybe you'll visit me in my dreams, miss you.

    Love ya!

I received his letter a couple weeks later.  After the funeral when I got back to my hotel room in Michigan.  How could I be so blind?  

    He did send me a sweet card when he was alive.  It showed a cartoon guy walking around, bumping into walls, triping, looking lost.  On the inside it said "Hopelessly lost without you".  

    When I went back to work something strange happened.  There was a massive plague of ladybugs all over the place.  At work, in town,  everywhere.

    I sat outside during a break and watched them crawl all over each other, flying around.  It was awesome.  I stopped crying long enough to imagine them as little people.  Some stopping to talk to each other, others playing around.  It was a minature world of its own.  I play acted what they were saying to each other in my head.  I had a odd feeling Larry sent them to me.  

    They lasted for quite a while.  I felt like I was in a fantasy world.  I thought how wonderful of Larry to surround me in beauty like this.  That's what he would do if he could conjure them up like a wizard. 

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Member Since
Oct 2009
p. bernard leclerc said:
posted on Jan 26, 2010
A sign of love for sure.

I had a lady bug come into my life as well - read my Please Pass the Breadfruit (it's mentioned in Pt. II, but Part I is the better lead into the story)  Leave a comment if you like - I love comments.