The light went out in Columbia. Somebody snuffed it out. It’s ok. I can take it. My skin’s getting tougher. That long dark tunnel is my home now. I don’t need a light to see where I’m going. I’m already living in it.
Nah, it’s not that bad. I’ve got so much going for me. I know a lot of people would love to be where I’m at. My daughter keeps me straight. She says things like…
“Mommy, can you be happy?”
“Mommy, can you not be mean?” (usually because I tell her no for the 100th time)
“I love you, too, Mommy.” (out of the blue without me prompting her)
It puts me in my place. I don’t want her to suffer for my suffering.
But I’m not going to dayshift. I thought I was going back in a couple weeks, but a co-worker is out on disability and now I have to fill his spot in the rotation schedule.
I feel really bad for him. He’s going to need back surgery. He’ll be out anywhere from 3-6 months. I would assume 6 or more. It’s tough for him because he’s got the personality where he needs to stay busy and work is his life. It’s driving him crazy to stay at home.
I was this close. I could almost taste it. A normal life.
On to more important things. My daughter is turning 3 and we’re planning a Princess Ball. Everybody’s gotta dress up, even the grown ups. It’ll be fun.
Oh to be a kid again. I played with my daughter today all day and then we napped together. She’s so sweet. I just love her so much!
It’ll all began when I walked out of my bedroom in the morning with my big robe on and she was playing in the living room.
“cough, cough. I’m so sick. I need to go the doctor. I need to see Dr. Audrey.” Her eyes got real big. So cute! She immediately jumped in.
“Oh, come here. Come here.” She motioned me to come closer. She already had her doctor’s bag in her lap. “You want to feel better?”
I nodded to her, yes. She started to do everything that was in the bag. Stethescope, thermometer, checked my eyes, ears, nose, mouth and even pulled out a splinter in my foot. She was having so much fun!
Pause, repeat, rewind, repeat… We must have played that scene a half dozen times. Then I mentioned that we need to make chicken soup, but she didn’t understand the correlation of how that would make me feel better. So I told her to hold on a minute I got a surprise.
I ran into the other room, dug into a drawer and pulled out a couple of aprons. One of them my mother made a long long time ago. It was pink and had a white bowtie (looked like girl’s version of a tuxedo). I put on a simple black one that I gave Mike a few years back that said “What part of it’s not ready yet don’t you understand?”
She came into the room after me and I put the pink apron on her. She was excited and eager to see what I was going to do next. We both had chef’s hats on and we went over to her play kitchen. I quickly tried to set things up so we could pretend we were going to the store and then I elaborated even more and said we need to drive to the store. I had a carseat and a rocking chair next to each other and I gave her a toy steering wheel that made noises. She was happy just for the fact that she got to drive!
We skipped from the car to the store and started piling food in our baskets. We never did get to make chicken soup. We had to keep going back to the store because we forgot something! Boy, do I know it!
Mike came home and saw us in our make believe world and whipped out the video camera. Yea, a video with me in it! Usually it’s everybody else and I’m behind the camera. Duties of a mother, right?
About a year ago I tried to play like this with Audrey, but we kinda forgot and let it slip. But now I hope I started something that she’ll enjoy doing and give her a little push in the creative side.
I love seeing her get all excited over stuff.
Regarding the request to add my video. It may be a while. My video camera's not downloading to my computer at home and I'm not allowed to bring my camero into work. We are going to get a new computer for home so that we can do stuff like this.
I was replaying it back on the camera to watch it and totally forgot something...
while me and my daughter were pretending to drive to the store, I put on the breaks and squeeled "Get out of the way, Crazy Grandma!". Oops, didn't realize I said that. I gotta watch what I say in front of my daughter so I don't mess with her head.