Lisa Anne Waite

  1965 -
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Lisa's Story > Chapters > My Entire Life

"Stories from Prison (Helen B.)" 


Date Range: 01/05/1965 To 07/20/2009   Comments: 2   Views: 12,270
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I am teaching a writing class in the local women's prison. I asked them to write their stories about their lives and hope to share some of them with you (with their permission). This is from a woman named Helen.

My story is one of confusion. I am the product of a rape. My father was a family member with a long history of child-molestation. I was alienated and abused, physically and mentally. I was always an outsider who tried to fit in. I have no real relationships with any of my family members. I love people, laughter and motivating people. I don't run from problems... I face them.

I did have an issue with a low self-esteem. I was deliberately kidnapped and assaulted by friends of an in-law who thought I was a goody-two-shoes. I've cut all ties with my family - meaning I do not see them. I had a misconception about what love was. I wanted marriage and children, but used to have these seriously bad dreams of a child of mine being harmed or hurt by family members. I was burned with irons and teased with rats, chased through the house with a huge bloody fish head. I am working to get control of my life. I've met someone who has had a similar life experience.

I am a Christian who believes in and follows the teachings of Jesus Christ. My life is not together. Yet, I've given my heart to a man who is serving time in a prison. He wasn't there when we met, but shared his past with me. I forgave his mistakes but he's doing time so he'll not have to face or endure any more parole officers. I have never had a home, or a much of anything. I want and deserve one. I want to share my life with D.G., but I have herpes from being raped (once at 13 and once at 17 years of age). Many people have listened to my story but how do I put things into perspective? It hurts to always reach out to my family but they never call or write me. I've always tried. I pray for them, and I care for them. I don't want to turn my back on D.G, but I recently wrote a letter telling him the truth about my sickness. I was also using his last name on the letters I wrote him. I recently acknowledged that I was living a lie. It wasn't honest and came to the conclusion that if we start our relationship out on a lie how many would follow later?

I'm just starting to learn that it's important to pay my bills and be responsible for what I say or do. It's hard because I've survived so much. I beat Polio, cancer and diabetes, and I used to have blackouts (without any medical findings to explain why). I also had a mild stroke and now have to relearn a lot of the basic things I should already know. I have good days and bad days where I doubt that I have a right to a good life. I am active in my church, still experience feelings of not belonging or fitting in. D.G is a few years younger than I am. He comes from a family of people who never accepted him. So he's been relatively alone too. He has long standing friends. I, on the other hand, keep people at a distance because I see through their phony acts.

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Member Since
Aug 2007
Gina Pertonelli said:
posted on Apr 04, 2010
oh neat

I love that you're posting these Lisa.

Member Since
Dec 2009
John Petway said:
posted on Apr 06, 2010
I know the feeling

Dear Helen,

I am so sorry you had to go through all the drama in your life. It's not fair for that to happen to good people. When I was young I too had similar problems. I was raped by my Dad. In school I was tease all the time, begin call aweful names. No matter how successful I became in school or elsewhere, people always manage to bring me down. It is also hard for me to trust anyone. It hurts me alot of all the problems I've been going through. Now I'm living a life of a crime I never committed, carrying someone elses charges. Right now, like you, Jesus Christ is the ONLY thing I have to rely on. I am forever hopeful. I too distance myself from people as well. I would love to read more about you. Hearing your story has bless my heart knowing I'm not alone. Thank you so much for posting your stories.