When  was younger I wasn't serious enough about relationships, and then I took some time to re-evaluate and ended up becoming too serious about relationships. I have a hard time keeping things casual, but I guess that's where things are looking now. By serious I mean that I would try my best to envision everything in the long term and make all sorts of concessions and compromises to extend a relationship. This was wrong for several reasons. The first most obvious one being that it assumes my significant other feels the same way, and is able to rationalize their actions and identify how they would affect me. The second being that when I am willing to make so many compromises, consciously or not, the other will perceive me as a push over. Thirdly, it makes me into a very boring person.

My natural state is not absolute compromise. I'm not exactly super difficult either, but I think I lean more towards the heavily opinionated and stubborn side. If you can't convince me that you have a valid argument or reason for things you do or things that I should do, then it's not worth doing. While I am able to be very aware of my emotional and psychological state, I don't always choose to tap into that side of me. But when I do, emotions become excessive. Not that there's anything wrong with being emotional, but once I've pinpointed the origin of what me or someone else is feeling, it's time to move on. You're having a bad day because your boss shit on you, your shoe lace broke and you spilled your coffee? Great. Get over it and stop taking out your frustration on everyone around you.

I guess this ties in with people constantly making excuses for their actions. We got a new-hire recently, actually an old acquaintance of mine [he didn't get the job through me though]. My initial reaction when I found out he was hired was not a good one. All I could remember about him was that he would sneak out the back door of the classroom so he could get lunch early. That's my sole memory of him, because beyond that I chose to have no interaction with him. Just before him becoming a co-worker, I'd run into him at a party. He was extremely talkative and friendly, very in-your-face. He seemed likable enough. I gave him a shot, brushing away my distasteful impression as the ignorant arrogance of youth. Boy was I wrong. He talks all the time. All talk. He constantly makes mistakes and tiny errors at work. Granted it's a retail pharmacy, so these mistakes are anything but serious, but they get on everyone's nerves. When I point out his mistakes at the bosses direction he just blows a lot of smoke up my ass and tries to explain away. I don't need your excuses, just fix and change your ways.

This post has swollen larger than I'd planned, so I might as well continue.

I've been writing again. I always start off full steam and shoot off a couple of pages, then lose interest. It's been more convenient because I've been able to type it out on my phone. The only problem is that since I have no data plan, there's no way for me to access the file and move it to my computer. Blah Blah, boring stuff.
Back to the interesting stuff. Sex, dating and relationships. Cinco de Mayo I -surprise- got drunk. We'd been drinking at someone's place, and had a long walk back to my apartment. Drinking in small groups makes you suddenly just see everyone in their best light and love everyone, and want to tell them so. Eventually I brought up the fact that I was still hung up on my last ex. It didn't last long, but it was intense. It lasted about 7 or 8 months, but by the 2nd month we'd moved in together. When we finally broke up [I got dumped], it had been agreed that we both wanted to eventually get back together. My main condition was that if he wanted to come back to me, he could not be with anyone during that break period. A little unfair, I know, but since he wanted to break up, I felt that it's only fair that if he wants another chance he needs to consider it fully, and be serious. He said that it would be okay for me to see other people, but he would just like to know.

We broke up mid April, hooked up near the end of July, and since then I haven't seen him. At first he still owed me close to $500 for when I paid some bills for him [despite the fact that I was jobless for about half of our relationship], in addition, he had a bunch of my hard copy photos, a hat, and a stuffed animal I bought with my own money at the age of 5. In short, stuff that has absolutely no resale value and he has no reason to keep. These were the main reasons I kept in contact and friendly terms with him.
That and the obvious desire for booty calls. I guess that's a biological hurdle that guys seldom overcome, the desire to sleep with everyone and anyone, and the mentality that they will allow things just to keep people in doable range. Anyway, he did pay me back the money [which I could have taken at any time because I have internet access to his bank account, but didn't because I'm sometimes a decent person]. But I digress.

Anyway, Cinco de Mayo, I drunk texted him, and found out that he had been seeing someone since August, and they had only just recently broken up. That was a huge shock to me, because this was the absolute dealbreaker for me. Yeah, I'm still hung up on him, but knowing that he had no intention to get back with me would have helped me recuperate sooner. I keep getting over him in stages, baby steps. Everytime I think I've made a huge improvement, I just realize how deeply I was into him. He then asked me if I had "dated" anyone since we broke up. I said no. I HAVE been with two people since January, but that's not exactly dating, so it's not lying. I didn't want him to know because I wanted to a) it's not really any of his business anymore b) I think it would hurt him and c) i want to keep his idea of me pristine. While we both have been with other people, I had clearly stated that I did not want to be with him if he had been with someone else. A little unfair, I know, but I had many so many concessions I felt I was allowed one unfair condition. What bothers me is that he willfully kept it from me. He had been flirting with me for a while still, saying how much he missed me, and how good I had been to him.

Anyway, now a guy that i have been dating up with for about 2 months has suddenly announced his status as "in a relationship". I'm not exactly sure what that means. Part me wants to think that he put that up because he is going to be exclusive with me, regardless of what I do. The more pragmatic and realistic part of me knows that he was seeing at least one other guy, and that maybe they made it work. I was already thinking of ending our situation because even if I don't want to be in a relationship, it's hard for me to share someone physically and emotionally with other people, but I guess that's what "dating" or anything other than a relationship means. Anyway, end of boring post.