Krisna Reece

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Krisna's Story > Chapters > My Depression Gets Unbearable

"My Depression Gets Unbearable" 


Date Range: 12/24/2003 To 01/01/2004   Comments: 0   Views: 3,881
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     The following was written on Christmas Eve 2003.  One year after I almost died three times in one month.  It was a difficult time for me.

It is Christmas Eve and I should be full of joy, but I am not happy at all.  I do not really know why, perhaps it is because I kept waiting for something bad to happen again.  Maybe it is because I am still reeling from my near death experience just one year ago.  I went to an intake appointment at a local mental health clinic.  They evaluate every patient and then decide what course of treatment would best suit them.  I was not satisfied with the treatment they wanted to use with me.  I've taken medication for depression before and it didn't help.  It made my sister, Kari's, Bipolar Disorder much worse because she took the wrong medication for years!  I don't believe I have Bipolar Disorder as I do not have the same symptoms.

     This time last year, I was fighting for my life every day of the the month of December, January and most of February.  I know I am very lucky to be alive this Christmas, but it is still hard for me to deal with.  There are things that I do not remember and my family believes that is a good thing.  However, the things that I cannot remember are like missing pieces of a puzzle.  I lost five days and I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose years of your life to a coma.  So, I am grateful that it was only five days.  I was lucky because my coma was medically induced with medications.  Although sometimes drug induced comas do not work out the way the doctors had hoped, fortunately, mine ended up with a great outcome.

     With the help of my family, I am slowly putting the pieces of my puzzle together.  I am grateful to the doctors who helped save my life and I am grateful to all my loved ones for their support through all of my trying times!  There have certainly been a lot of them and I am sure there will be a lot more to come.  One thing is sure though, I will never give up!  No matter how depressed I get!

     I made it through New Year's Day without anything happening to me.  I now think I know why I was so depressed.  I have had so many bad experiences that coincided with the holidays that it just makes the holidays unbearable at times.

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