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Jill's Story > Chapters > My Entire Life

"How To Get a Man's Libido Revving Like a Day at NASCAR" 

 

Date Range: 01/02/2011 To 01/02/2011   Comments: 1   Views: 5,862
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Some of us gals think we know exactly what turns on a man. Boobs and a big booty. Long legs and long, flowing locks. However, with age comes experience and wisdom - at least for some of us. And women love to run their yaps. A lot. We keep each other current on these issues. However, like fashion trends evolve, apparently so do the stimulants of a man’s libido. I decided to do a little research for updated information.

Rather than run the risk of embarrassment and brain-stabbing imagery causing irreparable damage, I scrapped the notion of asking any of the men I know and opted to surf the Web. The results were interesting. In addition to involuntary breathing combined with a pulse, a man’s libido reacts to some unexpected things as well.

1. Dirt and sweat. Apparently the sight of a filthy, perspiring female does it for some men. Had this information been released years ago, women could have saved thousands of dollars on deodorant and fancy shower gels. I find this almost Neanderthal-ish. So, if I want to get lucky (or really he’s the lucky one -- sorry, couldn’t help it) all I have to do is go out back, roll around in the garden, and give myself a good mist with the water hose. Hell, who needs a bed? We could just use the storage building. I’m sure the gasoline fumes and motor oil would get us so high we wouldn‘t care.

2. Speaking with accents. And here I thought it was my French maid outfit. Guess I’ll have to toss it. Damn. The chances of a man running into a woman around here who has a cool accent are about as good as Sarah Palin’s chances of being elected the next president. Around here, all a girl has to do is wear a tank top and talk too fast and guys think she has a foreign accent. At least that’s what I always thought when I moved to the south. Men acted like they couldn’t understand what I was saying. No wonder I had to deck a few of them for getting fresh with me. I didn’t know I was turning the poor guys on.

3. Open fires. Again, a primitive symbol. Since no further elaboration came with this one I can only speculate. Wildfires? Campfires? Flash fires? If you can’t afford to go camping and you’ve ruled out arson, try stepping out on the patio wearing a flame retardant teddy and throw some extra lighter fluid on the charcoal grill next time you’re grilling burgers. I’m talking to the ladies here, guys. Whatever, it’s none of my business and I don’t want to know.

4. Software Smarts. This one’s up for debate. (see my post “Pride and Prehistoric Tendencies) I think the guys are turned on more if we act like we need their help. I don’t like to brag (sniff), but I do everything from hanging Christmas lights to hooking up DVD players and anything computer related. I can hold my own around a computer. (Dave, if you’re reading this, don’t even snort a laugh. And keep your trap shut.)

Well, there was that time I attempted a complete system recovery on my first computer and reduced it to a blank screen with a flashing cursor. My ADD kicked in and I just couldn’t stop myself from clicking “OK” on that final warning message. I’m not thinkin’ I was all sexy and turning people on when that happened. Computer repair’s costly.

5. Tattoos and piercings. I plead the Fifth. Talk amongst yourselves.

6. A few “Duh” moments. When we have them, not the guys. We like to throw a few of these to make you feel all manly. Unfortunately, mine are usually authentic. Just throw in a combination hair toss/giggle.

7. Cooking. Ladies, if the sight of you in the kitchen rustling up some chow launches you man’s libido, use it as an opportunity to spice things up a bit - sorry for the pun. If you’re feeling a little randy, throw some flour in your face and dab a little olive oil and garlic powder on your pulse points. The possibilities are limitless.

For some reason, my husband thinks I’m sexy when I’m standing at the stove, rustling up some gruel for him and the kids.

I make it a point to fix him lots of sandwiches.



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Member Since
Sep 2009
Arthur Louis said:
posted on Jan 13, 2011
How can anyone resist this story?

I'm surprised that you haven't had at least 100,000 views, based strictly on the title.

Regarding accents: Given two women, identical except for the fact that one of them has a British accent,  I would choose the Brit. Nobody says that there is anything logical about this process.

It appears that Mother Nature will try any trick to make us reproduce. Evidently that's what we're here for.