Vicky Thornburn

 
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Vicky 's Story > Chapters > My Entire Life

"Displaced" 

 

Date Range: 01/04/1997 To 05/09/1997   Comments: 0   Views: 1,172
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The Days after Tom left were strange. Vicky was worried about him driving across county. He called on his cell phone at least once a day and Braydon and V were always excited to talk to Him. She did not have a car and her parents both worked, so V was just there in the house with her baby. It was cold and winter so they hunkered down at home with stories and playtime. V wrote in her journal ( which she was never honest in... just in case someone found it- her thoughts remained unwritten in full), and made videos of Braydon. Vicky played games and  read stories to him- waiting anxiously for the moment when mom and dad came home and the house would be full of more than her thoughts and nervous wonderings. Tom drove to the Carolina's in three long 15 hour days. On day two, Tom's cousin Butch called Vicky to see if she had heard from Tom. He started to lecture her about how she needed to be supportive of her husband as he had left to make a better life for me. V gave him a piece of her mind saying... "Wait a minute- you are telling me that I need to 'support' the decision to leave your wife and one year old and go on a wild goose chase across the county? Really-- that is what you have to say to me?" Well, she went on to say more, but the rest got pretty upsetting, and I'm sure the imagination serves well enough-- V  was never been one to mince words and Butch was not as eager to "tell" he how she should act or feel after that... he learned his lesson that day. Tom made it to Butch's house in Charlotte NC safely and he started work on a construction site making more money the next day. He was excited, V was wary- but listened. The days were peaceful at her parents', she enjoyed watching them loving Braydon so much. He was a happy, smart little 16 month old baby who was saying all kinds of words and sounds. He talked pretty well, since she taught him phrases and I read to him most of the day. She treasured every moment with him, and breathed deeply the security and peace that surrounded her each day-- still she was  lonely though. V was 'displaced' in her ife. She was married with a baby, but lived with her mom and dad. V had friends, but they did not relate to her stage of life or what she was going through. Two of the friends were married, but even her best friends had a hard time supporting what she was going through. They were devastated that she was leaving California and had already started to pull away. They were hurt and angry, Vicky was defensive and sad. She could not be excited with anybody... her family kept quite since they were sad that she was leaving... her friends openly voiced how they did not want her to go and thought it was stupid. Even her pastor and his wife said it was a mistake and she should not let Tom go- but if he chose to go...then the right thing for her to do was support his decision!? She started to withdraw. She felt lost in the whole thing. She was not sure what was right. She prayed, but did not find Peace. V told Tom that she would not come for a while. That she needed some confirmation to know if it was right. He said he was not coming back. This is what he needed and he was staying. Vicky knew the decision rested on her to make. She was overwhelmed with it and not sure- so she just coasted. V lived in her parents happy world where it was laughter and fun. My grandparents enjoyed Braydon and her brother was in and out with his adult life and plans. The months wore one- Spring came, but her heart was heavy. V missed Tom and having her own life. She wanted her own house and was ready for some changes. V's  fiends were starting their own married lives with kids and even though she had fun with them - she felt lonely, wanting her husband and life back. Sometimes when they talked on the phone, V mentioned it- Tom was silent. He wanted adventure and was not coming back. Vicky knew that if she did not go- it would be a choice she would have to explain to her son. It would be her  fault that he did not have a father, since she was not willing to follow or be flexible. Vicky was sort of excited to try a new place, just worried about never coming back. California was everything that she loved and did not want a life someplace else. The thoughts kept racing and there was no answer. The pressure of being the reason that a man could not follow his dreams or tie him down just because she did not want to leave her family toyed with her emotions. "I will not be that girl- I will be adventurous and brave" V told myself. " I will go for a while and then we will make a good living and come back home"... She staged it in her head, creating a "good reason" so that I could swallow the idea. May came-- Tom had an apartment he said and wanted his family to be with him. He had a company job- benefits, insurance, etc- these were all the things I had asked for .... How could she just stomp her foot and say no? Vicky just put the difficulty out of her mind- pushed her feelings aside and agreed to move. Tom said "we don't have money for a u-haul, sell everything and we will just get new stuff. I don't have vacation time either- so I can't drive a u-haul across country." Vicky's dad would not hear of that. He said we were crazy, and that he would drive across country with the u-haul if Tom would pay for it and then buy him a bus ticket back. Tom agreed. So May 9th- V flew to Charlotte, NC with Braydon. Her father would leave three days later with the truck and all their stuff (which was not much- but all she had of her own). 

     Vicky sobbed so hard on the plane that the the man beside her offerred her klenex and got her water... she couldn't even stop long enough to speak. Vicky had just felt the ripping and tearing of her heart as she stood waving at her mother as they both cried and wondering what lay a head. Braydon was worried and kept touching her face. Even when she got the sobbing under control the tears flowed silently like a water fall of the soul -- silently pouring out the hardship and sadness. Vicky had an inner ear condition that made her ears not clear since childhood, and  since she had cried all day on the plane --her ears were insanely painful. Braydon was perfect, but 22 months old, worried about mommy made him tired and cranky. He had sat on her lap the whole way since she only had one ticket. It was a rough trip. When she saw Tom she was so happy-- tears flowed again. It was good to see Tom, and she realized just how much she missed him in that moment. Braydon wouldn't have anything to do with Tom and screamed when his dad picked him up. V took him -- she  would cross that bridge later. As they drove out of the airport, there was a sign that said "Welcome to Charlotte". Tom said, "welcome to your new home"...she felt sick- this was home now? She thought it was just a temporary stage. V felt glad to be with Tom, but conflicted feelings. Vicky did not share her thoughts or feelings-- no reason to rock the boat so soon- she thought. They got to the new apartment in the dark- the scent of honeysuckle in the air and the hot breeze that wafted through the night. The  apartment was dark and smelled like dirty carpet, but V was too tired to care. They had no furniture- Butch had loaned Pete a futon mattress for us to sleep on and we had made a bed of blankets for Braydon. It was not home-- but we were together and that's all that mattered tonight.



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