"I need to tell Mitchi," was the only sentence I was able to muster to my parents.
"You do that sweetie, I'll go tell Eitan..." said my Mom wiping the tears from her eyes.
I definitely did not want to be there for that. I went into my room and grabbed my phone. Before I dialed I just shut my eyes and lay down on my bed. Dead. Alexis was dead. My best friend...we were going to drive to New York City together one day, we were going to be roommates when we were older, I couldn't wrap my head around any of this, so I just gave up.
I dialed Mitchi's number and held my breath until his Mother picked up.
"Um hi Anne may I please speak to Mitchi?" I asked.
"Sure Chelsea! Is everything okay? Hows Alexis?"
"Please Anne just put him on the phone," I said.
"Mitchi Alex is dead," I said breathlessly.
"WHAT?!" he screamed, and I could hear his Mother asking what was wrong.
"SHE'S GONE SHE'S GONE SHE'S GONE!" he kept screaming, I was silently jealous of his reaction, but my brain just hadn't soaked it in yet, how could Alexis really be dead?
"Oh god Chelsea oh god," Mitchi kept saying.
"Are you okay?" I asked him stupidly.
"No I--I think I need to go, I'll call you a little bit later okay?" he said and then hung up.
I went downstairs to see my Mom holding little Eitan by the hand, he was shaking and clinging onto my Mother with his coat and shoes on.
"Get your coat on Chelsea," said my Dad who was holding my sobbing brother in his arms.
"Why? Where are we going?" I asked.
"We're going to take you to the hospital to say goodbye, so that it becomes real," said my Mom.
I really didn't want anything to become real.
I don't remember the drive to the hospital, I only remember getting off of the elevator and seeing Alex's parents Essy and Michael waiting for Eitan. Essy looked as shocked as I did, but Michael was obviously holding it together for everyone.
"Hello Chelsea, my name is Kate and I'm the hospital social worker," said a lady beside me.
"We're going to go in and see your cousin together, okay?" she said in one of those fake-nice voices.
"She's my best friend, not just my cousin," I muttered, and my Dad shot me one of those 'don't-be-rude' looks.
The social worker led me into the hospital room, and I saw Alexis hooked up to even more machines, but still breathing!
"She's not dead!" I cried out happily
"She's able to breathe because of that big machine over there," said Kate the social worker. "It's called a respirator, and it keeps your organs going when your brain stops working. Once she's unplugged from that machine then she will technically be dead. Right now she's just listed as brain dead."
I appreciated the social worker for being so blunt with me, but being told my best friend was dead a second time hit me hard. Everything came crashing down at that moment and I ran to Alexis and put my face to hers. I soaked her long black hair with my tears and just screamed.
"No you can't be gone...I love you Alex...come back...please come back...I love you...If you're not here I don't want to be either."
I'm not sure when my Mom barged in but she did and pried me away from Alex into her arms.
"I'm so sorry Chelsea," she said "I am so so sorry."
We left Eitan with his parents in the hospital so that the family could say their goodbyes, and I just remember crying the whole way home.
I ran upstairs to my room, slammed the door, and threw myself on my bed.
I leapt up immediately, and saw the ring Alex had lost the other day right on my pillow.
I had spent two hours looking for it after we had come back from the hospital the first time, but there it was right in plain sight, it had came from out of nowhere.
"Alex?" I breathed, but no answer.
I held the ring tight in my hand and cried a little while longer. I then stopped myself. I couldn't cry anymore, I just didn't have it in me. I wiped my eyes and called Mitchi to see if he was okay, and then went to bed.
It would be six months before I had any sort of reaction again.