V. Angelica Serendipity

 
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V. Angelica 's Story > Chapters > My Entire Life

"TAKER vs. GIVER" 

 

Date Range: 01/01/2007 To 12/31/2013   Comments: 0   Views: 115
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The human mind and heart are pretty amazing organs. They are basically responsible for all of our functions and our existence. The mind directs the rest of the body and its organs as to how to behave and react to everything but the heart is what actually enables the organs to act by providing them with the blood and oxygen they need to work. Now I am not saying the rest of our body is not significant but without the heart and the mind they stand alone, separate, confused, and like members of anarchy completely lost and scared and so confused that eventually they cause their own demise. Everything in life needs some order and structure some form of a leader and for us humans it is our mind and our hearts. Can you imagine what it would be like to not have a mind, to not think at all, to not be able to react to any event? We all think even if we do not act on it, even if someone else tells us what to think and what to do, we still think about it and we do it whether out of fear or pleasure we make the decision and decisions require some degree of thinking. So every day when you wake up and go to school or work or get up to use the restroom you are thinking, have you considered that? You get up and weigh what would happen if you chose to do one thing over the other and then you decide, that’s thinking. Try imagining what it would be like to not have a heart, without a heart you can’t function so you may know what to do and how to do it but you won’t have the ability to do it. You see our brain sends the signals to the rest of the body as to how to react to a fever or a cough or seeing that cute guy or girl walk by but any action actually taken is actually feasible thanks to the heart and its constant pumping and circulation of blood and oxygen. Basically we are useless without the mind and the heart. One cannot work without the other; therefore they have a mutualism relationship, meaning they are two different “species” working together to benefit one another. A relationship should be just the same. Now I am not talking necessarily about a love relationship but rather any type whether it is a friendship or with a family member or job related, all relationships must be mutualistic. With that said comes the difficult part, every mutualistic relationship requires two different “species” now human interactions and relationships are a lot more complex than the ordinary rhinoceros and bug eating bird mutualism, in our relationships the two different species breaks up into two different types of people the TAKER and the GIVER. Absolutely every relationship has this; in some it’s more apparent than in others who plays what role but just the same there is that TAKER and that GIVER. The TAKER is the person in the relationship who is always asking for more but never willing to give back, the TAKER is more often than not the one that complains the most about the relationship and how it is playing out despite the fact that the one receiving all the real heat and putting in the most work is the GIVER. The TAKER is usually the most hot-headed in the relationship, the one that’s ready to walk out of it every time things get even a little difficult and the one that quickly behaves like the victim when under even the slightest bit of discomfort and the one who puts the blame on the other person in the relationship and will resort to insults and button pushing to try to get you to walk out of the relationship or at least the fight before admitting he/she was wrong. The TAKER does not know how to give back because the GIVER never has required it in reality. Let me explain. The GIVER in the relationship is sometimes referred to as the weak one because he/she is the one willing to stay up late to help the TAKER with whatever task he/she has at hand and the one that keeps coming back into the relationship despite the knowledge that he/she will get hurt again and that no new outcome will result. The GIVER will unselfishly give and give for the majority of the relationship and do it unselfishly without asking for anything or much in return, he/she will obey the TAKER and try to tend perfectly to his/her every need and depending on the will strength of the GIVER might even allow some insults and put downs and disrespect from the TAKER to slide all for the good of the relationship and its success. The GIVER is usually the only one truly interested in making the relationship work and in its success and committed to it. The GIVER will at times raise his/her voice to the TAKER as he/she starts to realize what is going on but he/she will quickly apologize for doing it and immediately feel guilty that is until the TAKER’s time begins to run out. The difference between the TAKER and the GIVER is that while the TAKER will never get tired of taking, the GIVER will eventually snap out of the hypnosis and react with the courage and strength to stand up to the TAKER and simply stop giving. At that moment the TAKER has two options, run out of the relationship realizing that the GIVER will never again follow or stop taking and begin to give back all that he/she took. Now do not be confused! The TAKER is usually the most clever of the relationship and will lie and lie to get what he/she wants so the GIVER has to be strong and stand his/her ground when competing for respect because if not the TAKER will only pretend to give long enough to assure that GIVER is staying and then go back to taking, at this point the GIVER must once again stand strong and fight for what he/she deserves. Most TAKERS unfortunately will run, they will run faster than you can imagine and not feel anything more than a drop of remorse leaving the GIVER feeling completely useless and hopeless but in reality the strong one is the GIVER for giving it all he/she had and doing his/her best, the GIVER will move on to bigger and better things and be a lot more cautious about what level of a TAKER they start a relationship with next. However, if the TAKER decides to give a little back and continues to give back then soon the relationship will be a success if and only if the GIVER does not seek revenge and becomes the TAKER the other person was but instead finds a balance of giving and taking. You must give and take a little in a relationship. The two come hand in hand as do the mind and the heart. That is why sometimes we stay in unhealthy relationships when we consciously know we deserve better because our mind keeps repeating it but our heart for one reason or the other refuses to act and walk away so we remain there knowing it is wrong but incapable of walking away because our mind and heart won’t agree. The same goes for when you want to be in a relationship with someone and your heart is screaming to go act and make a move but your mind is popping up all the negative outcomes of acting so again you stay still unable to move caught in the middle of a conflict between two powerful “species”. The TAKER is the mind the one calling the shots and the GIVER is the heart actually doing the work and action, but you need both to live and both to have a functioning relationship so you must find a way to balance how much you listen to your heart over your mind and vice versa as well as how much you take and how much you give back. The kinder of the two will always be the one that gives more but that is not necessarily bad if an almost equal amount is being received. Now I repeat this applies to any type of relationship. For example you might have that friend who always calls you to ask for a favor (the TAKER) and you of course help him/her out but when you need the favor he/she will come up with an excuse making you the GIVER. Maybe you have that annoying friend who is always bugging you about settling down and being responsible you know the one that will pick you up when you are drunk or cover for you when you told a lie, in that case you are the TAKER and your friend the GIVER. The GIVER does not need to give you anything concrete, advice or a good talk or a reason to dream or support especially show you that he/she cares and that is giving in itself. At work usually your boss of course is the TAKER because he/she hands you the work that he/she is too busy to do or too lazy but then again you are also a TAKER in this situation because you get paid to do it so unless you are doing extra work there is a healthy relationship unless there is some type of harassment or abuse. In family you ask? Well us older siblings know this very well. Maybe your younger sister/brother asked you to pick them up from a party that mom and dad didn’t know about or to say you are out with them when in reality they are doing something your parents would disapprove of then they are the TAKERS but this is all normal stuff isn’t it? Truth is it is and there is nothing wrong with that until your brother/sister are constantly asking for favors and get mad when you are too busy to help or try to get them to stop getting into trouble. And I need not give examples of how this plays out in our love lives we all know that very well. So who are you? Are you a TAKER or a GIVER? What will you do if your GIVER suddenly decides he/she has had enough? Who do you want to be? Why? How can you be that person? Think about it, it might just save a friendship or a marriage or a job or a potential relationship and heart. Until next time, V. Angelica Serendipity



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