My parent got married after 3 months knowing eachother, my father loved and cared my mother a lot (that’s what my mother toldme), after 10 month getting married, I’m born! However it’s not a happy story,it is the beginning of my twisted fate.
At the age of 1, my mother got pregnant again, I cansee my younger brother after 5 more months, but then my parent have an argumentand end up my father pushed my mother and… there goes my younger brother(R.I.P). Not long after that sad incident, my mother decides to divorce withhim and I never saw my father ever again.
When I was 3, my grandmother went to America to get ajob so that she can support the family (elder sister of my mother and mygrandfather work too), I sent to child day care (but also counted askindergarten) my uncle (not the son of my grandpa but the son of my grandpayounger brother) was staying with us for further studies here.
At first, I was supposed to study in the Chineseprimary school but no one in my house have the transport to send me to schoolevery day, so I end up studying in a Malay school (that’s why I can’t write orread Chinese well…)
My mother always in her room sleeping and watching TVwhile enjoying her air-condition, and I have too much free time in the livingroom, so I end up doing all the housework, because the other adults are nothome.
I don’t recall when I have my stepfather, I don’t talkto him much, he is a very scary man to me and he has a very bad temper, I onlyremember my mother give birth to my younger brother (his first son) when I was8 years old. He lives with his family while my mother lives with her family, myyounger brother? He’s in MY CARE (I have to feed him milk, stop him from cryingand make him sleep) the only job my mother do as a mother is bathing and thediaper changing.
One day my mother and my grandfather have a hugeargument not long after that we all moved out, my mother lived with mystepfather, along with my younger brother, my aunt live with her boyfriendwhile I lived with my grandfather at somewhere very far (but I still study inthe same school, the only different is… I have to wake up at 5am and my schoolstarts at 7.30am)
My grandmother came back from America because my auntfinally getting married, I thought my grandmother was a very gentle lady, butnot quite, however she still impressive. I was 10 that time, so it makes 7years since I last saw my grandmother.
In school, there was a kid that always stalk and scareA.m, I decided to be A.m bodyguard, I even bring pocket knife to scare that kidaway, but he never gives up…
My lastchildren day… my grandfather passed away 3 days before children day, so Icouldn’t go to school to celebrate it with my friends and instead I have toattend to my grandfather’s funeral (I got no choice, I’m the first grandchildof his, and he cared about me the most, of course I will go, but honestly Iwanted to go celebrate my last child's day yet the other side of me will feelbad if I don’t attend to the funeral). In the end my grandfather never has agood talk with my mother since that argument (I don’t know why they argue)
Secondary school life
After a few months since my grandfather’s death, Igraduate from primary school, I get chosen to attend to my first choice ofschool, where most of my friends will be there. Yet my aunt has broken my heartby changing my school in the worst school ever (everything I heard about thatschool is only bad things) the reason she changes my school? It was because theschool is very close to my house…
My mother starts to have an affair with an old man==;;; I don’t know what's so good about him, he looks perverted to me, and mymother said the reason is “because your step-father doesn’t give me enoughmoney every month, so I have to find another man to give me money so that Ithat I can have more money to spend each month” (but you know what? At the endof each month, she will end up coming to my grandmother and my aunt to BORROWmoney (she barely returns the money, if she did, she will borrow more than shereturn the next time).
I got no choice but to follow her orders, since she isthe one who rise me up… I started to hate the man since then, because all I thoughtin my mind is “because of my irresponsible father, I end up having a life likethis, if he takes his responsibility I will be like other normal children,having a mother and a father or even have siblings, all men cannot be trusted”just because of that, I am the only one in my class that dare to go againstthose bullies, those gangsters like kids. Yet because of that, they start topick fights with me whenever they are bored, but I never show my weak side andalways fight back, I even break lots of things when arguing with them. (Irealize I entered the same school with the kid who always stalks A.m too ==lll)
Those kids, always pick on Vi and R just because theyare small sized and look weak, I always have to fight with those kids. Untilone day I have a serious fight that really got the leader of those kid mad, Venand J.u pulled me out of the class begging me to stop going against them. Vensaid that kid is not easy to deal with and I will really get into serioustrouble, I do not care if anything happens to me but I couldn’t stand lookingat my friends worrying about me. So I have no choice but to ignore thosespoiled brats…
Nevertheless those spoiled brats keep on picking mynerve, around that time, I already friend with the new transfer student, R.eand R.e taught me some tricks to hold back my anger, such as imagine otherthings or pretend they not there.
At the age of 15, my mother starts bringing bad news, she started to borrowmoney from ‘those kind of company’. She started to gamble and lose money, atthe end she owe money from 10 different people or company. My aunt has to selloff her first car to pay SOME of them, and my mother keeps running away fromthose people, so that she doesn’t have to pay off her debt. (What kind ofpeople is she? She has like 4-6,0000 $ per month!).
One day when I came back from school, I saw a posterof my mother’s picture with words ‘pay off your debt” that poster was pastedright in front of my grandmother’s house, I don’t want to let my grandmotherknow, so I have to tear it off and throw it away without letting anyone knowthis.
A few weeks later Ven and I decided to try somealcohol, we drink it together in the computer room (my house) I doesn’t knowthat pure vodka has to be mixed with another drink, I drink the whole glass ofit and end up drunk few minutes later. When I woke up, I realize Ven alreadywent home and I puked, it’s a mess, my aunt and grandmother saw that and askedwhat happen. I don’t want to tell them that I and Ven drink together, so I liedthat I drink because of that POSTER (yeah, I rather betray my mother thanbringing my friend in trouble, my mother deserves it anyway). In the end myaunt called my mother and scolded her (of course my grandmother have joined inas well).
Them next year, R and VI are getting closer and closersince they still in same class, me, J.u and R.e finally in same class, whileVen is in another class alone, yet Ven will always find chance to mix into ourclass, R and VI had average score back two years ago, then they start to havetuition and getting better and better, they start to forget about other friendswho have average and low scores, they only remember us when they need help,however they are still my friends.
A few weeks before the final exam to graduate, we allgathered below R’s apartment to have a study group, we actually chat more thanstudying, yet we all pass the exam and get to go further studies :D
That is a wrap of 2011, my final year in school…
2012 year, before Chinese new year, it was my firstday of part time, my aunt and uncle went back to their hometown, my mother cameout with a trick and stolen at least $5,000 from my uncle. At first my unclesuspected I who stolen those monies, I almost got kicked out of the house, butat the end he found out is my mother who done it. He doesn’t want to see heranymore, and yes of course, I hate my mother.
Further study, here I come!
Yeah right… that’s what I thought until my aunt decidemy college for me again, I wanted to enter the public college with J.u so thatI can finally move out of there and live independently… plus their fee wascheap enough its only $8, 0000. The one that my aunt choose is a privateuniversity college in $14, 0000… she said “It’s the closest to our home, and Ican keep my eye on you every day if you stay with me” she always make thingssounds right, but it doesn’t feel right. Let me repeat, she is my aunt not mymother and I was 18 years old, not 8 years old.
I don’t hate man anymore, but I have a strangecharacteristic, by the way… I have 6 younger brothers… the youngest was 1 yearsold that time.
On the first day of class, my lecturer asked us towrite 4 things about ourselves, I wrote “6younger brothers, gamer, Otaku and a strange person” Then the lecturerasked us to find people who wrote the same thing as we wrote, I was very surethat no one will be writing the same thing as mine, but R.o wrote “gamer” he saw mine and got surprised,since then he start to stick me, mostly it was because he pity that I’m alwaysalone (I don’t mind being alone anyway). When he realizes I’m younger than him,he actually begs me to be his younger sister (O_O);;;
Actually I always hoped to have an elder brother, so Iagreed, however… in the other’s eye we look like couple… R.o showed them his girlfriendpicture and proved the innocent of our pure sibling relationship. He alwayssaid that I have the same personality as a good friend of his, and that afriend of his added me on Facebook.
2 days since T (R. o’s friend) added me, we decide tosurprise our friend by stating we in a relationship, it’s a success somehow,and slowly we really end up being a real couple after more than half yearknowing each other. Thanks to my mother, I learned to stay as pure couplerelationship.
At the same time, I found out Ven is pregnant, she waswith a girl that time, but how? Then I realize she argue with her girlfriendand end up with a guy however Ven back to that girl again, yet she realizes shehas a baby of that guy… I heard that news from a friend of mine, not from Venherself… I was mad but also worry at the same time, what about her future? What'sshe going to do to the innocent baby? I cried a few times about it, worryingabout Ven, hoping she won’t be like my mother… (although my mother got me aftermarrying… still 18 years old mother…)
In the end, she decide to have that baby, and marry tothat guy… to be honest, if not because of the baby, she can live better now, atleast with a man who can respect her. But now I see that she’s living well, andit is her choice, I should have respected it.
Meanwhile I also have trouble with my studies, M.ky,Vin, Jie and S.K have good results and they prefer to study alone, so I canonly ask R.o to study group with me, but end up R.o only plays his iPad… yet hepasses and get to a degree, now I’m the only one who still stuck in my reseat…I actually lost hope and everything…
I argue with R.o before my last semester, if he hadapologized for what he said, I would accept it. My pride doesn’t let me toforgive someone who doesn’t apologize, that’s why even 1 year since then wenever talk.
I wanted to use my time to study for my reseat, but myuncle out of worker, so I have to go help out at his restaurant in time to time(I rejected his offer to give my salary, since he pays my living expense andeverything). Day by day, I started to lose interest to study, I don’t like tohelp out there, but I always been forced to go because of my aunt’s“reasoning”.
I have cut my wrist once, when my aunt keeps on hernonsense reasoning and scolding, all the bad things that happen in my lifeflash back all at once, I started to feel that my life is miserable, my irresponsiblemother who, gamble, take drugs, stealing and even sell her body for money. Myfather who left me, my studies… I have too much stress, I don’t know what to doin the future anymore, I would love to end my life right away. Then I took apicture of my wrist and post it on Facebook and tag Ven, because she did thesame thing before, I was writing my final words on Facebook, that time myboyfriend wasn’t online, he doesn’t know what happen and he doesn’t show muchcare, that’s why he doesn’t know anything about my stress back then, ourrelationship was cold.
Then I suddenly feel tired, I took a nap, and in myhalf sleeping state, I saw R in my room, she straight pounce on me (that hurtsand I straight away wake up and realize its reality) she saw my post andworried, then she straight come to my house (her apartment is right beside myapartment anyway). She told me that Ven scolded T because she thought it is hisfault that I cut my wrist, I open my laptop and realize all my friends areworried about me, I quit thinking about suicide and apologize to my friendsbecause I made them all worried.
However, my aunt never stops bugging me, she is themain reason I start to think about suicide, I’m 19 now and she still never letme go, she borrowed my phone and download candy crush, then log into my Facebookaccount and added her own Facebook account without my permission and without meknowing it. When I removed her and post about what my aunt done, she straightscold me “What privacy you need? I’m your aunt, your family, and you dare sayprivacy? If you want privacy, go live with your mother, live like her. If youlive with her you can do anything you want, I do it so that I know what happenaround you, and this is what I get?!” Well, that’s one of her ‘reasons’. First,she should have ASKED before using my account. Second, if she cared about me,she should have seen the picture of me cutting my wrist because of her. Third,is she really care, she should have noticed that I in a relationship with T. Shejust uses my account so that she can use my account to send her a candy crushticket!
Still, I choose to live in my life, I will stay alivetill I get my freedom, to be honest, I don’t want to see my mother anymore, shedoes anything for money, she wanted money to fulfil her wants, she never caredabout others, in the future, I can bet with my life that she will confirm askmoney from me. That’s all about my current life, some might think they wastedtheir time to read such a thing and I know I have a bad English, yet I wantpeople to know that, no matter how bad is your life, there is always hope,doesn’t have a hope? THEN IMAGINE~!