For the most part my life is pretty normal. a 15 year old girl with typical teenage problems. ya know the stress on hair, outfits, school, and insecurities. I'm not special. i've got no special talents i mean the only thing i think I'm good at is dating and screwing this up. everybody by now knows exactly what they want to be when they grow up or have a sport that they were born with the god given talent since age 2 and are headed towards a high-end college with a scholarship. me, well i've got nothing figured out for me. just about the only thing i know is for sure is that i have to get at least for the most part all A's in school to please the ole man. he doesn't get me anymore, i used to be daddy's little girl but just someday it all stopped. i do the same thing basically everyday. wake up at 7:00 get ready and leave for school at 8:00-2:40 and then if its tuesday or thursday i have more school from 3:30-7:00 for algebra 2 trig and bio. yup you heard me correctly more school, long story short i take science and math after school at a different school because its easier academic wise, it has its perks. then i come home eat a little something fill up a cup of water and head upstairs or do any other homework i have or study. then i go on twitter for a while and then talk on the phone with my boyfriend. then i go in the shower.
1. wash face
3.conditioner (only on ends of hair)
5.wash out conditioner
then i get out
1.dry face and rub nose for pores
2.then arms and down
3.wrap hair and body with towel
4.rinse and brush retainer and put on
5. go to bedroom wait five minutes for hair to dry
6.detangling spray,oil,frizz creme
11.make sure alarm is on
go to sleep
other days consist of either school or errands
my life's pretty normal nothing exciting. so why am i writing my story then? not because i have something sad or bad i want to share but because i don't want to keep it inside anymore. all of my thoughts.so anyways. this chapter of my life is called the now because I'm telling you about my now life. now I'm not complaining or anything i just don't have much interest in my own life. I'm a normal teenage girl. my best friend, nikki. i tell her everything but she's not the person i can truly trust. nowadays i learned to really not trust anyone. everyone eventually turns against you or now that they know your secrets they have something against you. i keep a lot to myself. i love nikki like my sister, she's always there for me for the most part. my boyfriend. i love him with all my heart, if i lost him i don't know what i would do. he's my world. he is beyond perfect and even if he maynot see it he makes me melt everyday without a fail. making me smile and laugh more than anyone now a days. i tell myself everyday that I'm so blessed to have him right by me through all of my drama. my close-est friends however do not approve of him. ever since we have gotten serious i don't pay much attention to my friends much. i just wish they would understand how important he is to me. i try not to ignore them but i just much rather be with him then them. some friends huh? i don't know where i stand with them at this point but honestly i could care less, only if he's still here with me i could give less of a damn. he's so important to me. so i recently told my boyfriend that I'm anorexic, i have been since my last relationship and i told him too. so its been almost a year since it started. i eat, just not enough for the most part. he tells me everyday that I'm perfect but i don't and most likely never will see myself as that. its hard. balancing out my entire life. from what i've said it doesn't seem like much but it has its toll. everything does, for me anyways big or small. i come home and write here if i have time and i take off all my clothes to put on sweats and a t shirt. i try to relax as much as i can and not fight with my family. i don't get along with my sister as much as i used to but were not enemies either.my parents bond is most just school talk; boring and uninteresting, not deep conversating or jokes passed back and forth with "how was your day stories" my family is the type of family that is very disconnected. always on our phones, each and everyone of us at the dinner table, not praying before a meal but mom or dad makes dinner every night or most nights with the tv on with a reality show, news or sport game playing. no conversation unless about school or a slight comment about the "good food" someone asks for drinks and then you put your plate in the sink or offer your leftovers to dad or mom and say thank you for dinner to ____ and then back upstairs to keep silent about your "how was your day" story because nobody gives a damn. the type of family that says goodnight to maybe one family a night every once in awhile. says i love you ever so often. i don't have really anyone else no grandparents because they are all distant with hatred. cousins are all old and uncles and aunts are either crazy or far away. my childhood wasn't all of a childhood. to this day all i can really remember from it was fighting. no one ever got along. except for on birthdays and holidays. maybe. but for now this is my life. like i said typical teenage stuff, the only problem i don't have is acne. it doesn't run in family. so i guess one thing turned out good right? now if i could just have naturally straight everything else i'd be good. my list of things i hate about myself will forever be changing. my hair and eye color, height, weight, brain, bad habits, having straight hair and teeth, personality. i have developed traits from the horrible experiences as a kid. always picking fights and getting mad over nothing. i think every girl my boyfriend talks to is him cheating on me or him falling for her. she's a friend i have to keep telling myself, and nothing else. i try so hard to fit in, my sense of style is much like the others. being judge by others is something i've always been scared of since i was a kid. i try to be as outgoing as possible, I'm not scared of the spotlight and saying hello to a random person. i talk, I'm loud. thats just me trying to "be my sweet, loud self". for the most part i keep all the mean comments i have in my head. i open up to really no one. i've gotten used to that routine. I'm ok. i could be better in my eyes in a million ways. but I'm me. fat, ugly, short, not that smart, untalented me. maybe i'll figure out where I'm headed soon, I've got time but not that much. a double chin no matter what i too, two black nails for being clumsy, and dots on my eyes. i hate what i see in the mirror every morning. i try and change it but i guess it just takes time. well see. but until then this is me and this is my now life.