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Stefani "Top 10" Lists > Life Lessons

The lessons that my life and the life of others has taught me....

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  Title Date: 06/26/2009
1
Finding the Right Man

Growing up my mother always taught me a few things about finding the right man for myself, and few things that would undoubtedly mislead me.


The first thing I remember her ever saying to me was "make sure you marry someone that you can't live without, not someone that you can live with." And to this day she says it over and over again--asking me at every turn if I think this guy or that guy fits that stature.

She also told me that you need to find someone that may have SOME things in common with you, but definitely has differences with you, otherwise there will never be any conversation. She always knew how opinionated and passionate I was about the things that I believed in and knew that I would need to find someone equally as passionate about something.

My mother has only one regret in her life, but she always says that it's one too many. She doesn't want me to regret anything. And so, she wants to make sure that the person that I find doesn't hold me back from doing the things that I love. Because I love to do so many things, and aspire to do so many things in my lifetime...she doesn't want me to settle.


Then as I got older and fell into some hard relationships that left me heartbroken, she had a newsflash for me. That girls tend to pick men similiar to their fathers...in my case that is not a good thing. And so, from then on I decided that I needed to watch out for myself and decide beforehand if someone was too much like my dad or not.
It was clear to me that a better male figure to base my "perfect" guy on would be my older brother. Who is the best guy I have ever known. He is a fantastic husband and father and I couldn't ask for a better brother.

My mother also then told me that you can't choose who you fall for, and this became extremely apparent with my first love, Donovan. In the beginning I was in a blur of the moment, of how we had met so quickly and then how fast I was falling for him. But as my friends questioned his motives and thought he was bad for me, as did my mom, I ignored it. And two years later, after one abortion, him cheating three times and me going back to him, and my grades dropping...he was gone with someone else and I was alone.

The lessons in love are hard. And definitely easier learned through experience. I just wish that I could save my nephew, little brother, and cousins from the heartbreak that lives in their future. But I can't. 


2
Do It Anyway

When I graduated from high school I had many doubts about the things that I was going to be able to achieve and complete. I was unsure if I was going to be able to help all the people that I wanted to help or travel to all the places that I wanted to go.


But the day of my high school graduation ceremony, one of our school board members gave a speech that contained this quote by Mother Teresa:

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today, may be forgotten tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable;
Be honest and transparent anyway.

What you spend years building, may be detroyed overnight;
Build anyway.

People who really want help, may attack you when you help them;
Help them anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, people may become jealous;
Be happy anyway.

Give the world the best you have, though it might never be enough;
Give the world your best anyway.

And I plan to do so.....I plan to do it anyway.


3
Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last

My mother has always been one to be honest with me. Since I was young she kept me in the loop about everything that was going on with 'us' as a family. She didn't ever want to lie to me. So when the time came to talk about death--she was ready to explain to me that death was a part of life.

Most people say it that way....but she prepared me in a different way. She made me completely independent, because she wanted to know that if anything ever happened to her that I would be okay.

As time has gone on we have ended up talking about death more and more--grandparents getting sick or dying, disease springing up in the family, and other factors led to these conversations. But they always ended the same, live each day to the fullest; live it as though it were your last.

So I have. Everyday I try to make sure that I do something, anything, a little differently--try something or learn something new--just in case. I try to never go to sleep upset with anyone and try to always be thankful that I have lived one more day.

You never know when your time is--but when my time comes I will accept it because I feel like I have done something with my life.

Every day is different: Try to make one person smile, if possible try to learn something new, and try to never end a day with regrets.



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